Wow. You have been on this earth for half a year, how is that possible? Although some of those days have felt like they would never end it is also feels like the months have just rushed past us and you have changed and grown up before I have had time to properly process it all.

You were so tiny when you were born, your Daddy could hold you in one hand. Those days are long gone now. You have the longest legs and when I hold you now you stretch out across me. I miss those tiny newborn cuddles, those times when you would sleep for hours on my chest. I don’t miss the days where you would feed all day though, where I couldn’t eat or get dressed and where we often didn’t move from the spot your Daddy left us in that morning. Those days where you cried for hours because your silent reflux was bad and you were in pain. 

I wish that I had known during those tough early months that life would look so much brighter and better at six months. That although that magic three-month mark didn’t happen for us, we would get there eventually. That at six months we understand each better, that I would be able to decipher the meaning of your cries and the different noises you make. That you would reach out your arms for me when you need reassurance or the familiarity of your Mama. That when you are tired you snuggle your face into my shoulder and put your arms tightly around my neck. That I would feel that you know I’m your Mama and that sometimes only I will do.

My beautiful boy, we have had some dark days together. Days where your Daddy has come home to find us both in tears. Days where I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and that I was failing you. Days where nothing I did made you happy and I wondered if I would ever be enough. We have had more days like those than I would have liked but my goodness, you have taught me so much.

You taught me to accept help, to know that other people want to help and that it is okay to let them. You taught me that I am stronger than I know and that I can survive on barely any sleep. That after the worst days, I can get up the next morning ready to do it all over again. Freddie, most of all, you have taught me to trust my instincts. That together we will muddle through and that you will change and adapt in your own time. Whenever I have moments of doubt, you do something to show me that we’ve got this and that together we’ll be okay. You taught me to have faith in myself and faith in you.

Happy six months Fred, it’s been a whirlwind.


Mama X

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