When you are pregnant, you know that your life is going to change. You anticipate sleepless nights, early morning cuddles, a mountain of nappies and falling in love. But something I didn’t really think about was that I might not feel like ‘Me’ for a long time post-baby. That’s not to say I was unhappy, just that I didn’t feel like myself for several months after having Freddie. I didn’t expect it so it took me by surprise and I spent a long time wondering when exactly I would feel like ‘Me’ again.
Having a baby is a big adjustment. It is the happiest, scariest and best of times. You go from being a wife, an employee, a daughter, a sister, a friend to being a Mum. Becoming Freddie’s Mum has been the best thing that has ever happened to me but I feel like I had to get to know myself all over again.
I felt like I didn’t quite fit in anywhere. My friends who I had known for years suddenly seemed so glamorous with such exciting lives and I felt like mine was mundane in comparison. I should add that they definitely didn’t make me feel that way on purpose, they are all absolutely lovely! I wasn’t at work anymore and that was a big change having worked since I was fifteen.
The early months literally flew by and I was in that new baby bubble of feeding, managing Freddie’s reflux, late night cuddles and not a lot of sleep! For a while, that was enough and I was content to be completely absorbed in Freddie but as time went on I wanted to feel like something, or someone, else other than ‘Mum’.
When Freddie was seven months and began to nap in his cot, for the first time I actually had time on my own during the day. It felt so odd those first few times just to sit on my own, doing my own thing. I think that was the beginning of feeling more like myself again. There is nothing like spending a bit of time in your own company to persuade you to remember what you did, or liked to do, pre-baby!
Having had a bit of time to myself, I realised how much I actually needed it. G started taking Freddie out for a couple of hours at the weekend to give me some time to do things on my own and that was where my blog originated. I can’t really put into words how having my little blog and my Instagram has helped me. It’s not a job (although I work very hard on it!), but I feel like it allows me to express myself and do something that feels a bit like work except far more fun!
Around the same time (eight months or so) my pre-baby clothes were fitting but were not particularly breastfeeding friendly and my post-baby clothes were on the loose side. I feel like that was another thing that helped me to feel more like me again. Making time to go out and buying clothes that fitted me, in styles that suited me. As Freddie is far more independent now, I have time to do my make up and generally spend some time on myself in the mornings. That’s something I used to enjoy doing before I became a Mum and prioritising it has made me feel much better about myself!
Of course Motherhood has changed me a bit. Pre-baby me enjoyed lazy weekend lie-ins, a few cocktails on date night, dressing up and hated being on her own. Post-baby me enjoys a clean house, cosy evenings in and often fantasises about being able to enjoy a coffee in peace by herself.
So if you’re wondering whether you will ever feel like yourself again, you will. I promise! It may take three months or six months or even the full year but you will. And it’s okay if post-baby you is a bit different. Take time for yourself and you will rediscover what makes you, you!
I was inspired to write this post after reading one written by Hayley from ‘Land of Lawson’ several months ago. It made me feel really reassured and it is definitely worth checking out. Thanks for reading and see you on Sunday,